Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Liuliu Mid Autumn Festival Story

This is the hilarious version of Mid Autumn Festival/Lantern Festival/Mooncake Festival story I read few years back written by Dr Liew. I'm not the author of this story but I edit the story here and there to made it more interesting (tambah garam & tambah cuka). The original post is no longer available online (deleted by the author for unknown reason). Pour yourself a glass of iced honey green tea, sit back and enjoy the story while munching on the lotus paste with kuaci and salted yolk mooncake. Hope you enjoy the setoli :)

Once upon a stupid time, on one fine stupid day, ten liuliu stupid suns came up on the stupid sky. These stupid sun were none other than the sun brothers. So the earth was scorched. Imagine 10 suns (my goodness). I think if you pee outside, you get instant grilled lap cheong or BBQ lobak. (So, watch out.. don't simply pee everywhere). The ko lian people were dying of dehydration, heat stroke, starvation (what to do? The paddy field dried up mah) and probably spontaneous combustion too. (Okay okay, I made that up).

So there was this fellow called Hou Yi (后羿), who climbed up one liuliu high mountain and shot down nine of the suns with his arrows. Wahahaha. (Lidat also can?) Some said the God became damn angry and banished Hou Yi to suffer on earth. For the suns were the God's sons. I think He should practise birth control, like wearing dom-dom, vasectomy or some other thing lah. so many anak... (shake head).

On earth, Chang Er (嫦娥) fell for Hou Yi's heroism and got married to him. Maybe he played dirty Cupid and shot her heart (I dunno). Chang Er was said to be a maid in the God's palace who got banished to earth because she broke a vase or something.

However, Hou Yi somehow got his hand on this pill of immortality. Some said he got it as a prize for his heroic act from some Ah Soh called Wang Mu Liang Liang (王母娘娘), the big God's mother. Some said he turn cruel and killed thousands of children to make that pill himself (You think leh? which version?).

And then one day, dunno how, Chang Er got her hands on that Viagra... ooops, I mean immortality pill. Maybe she couldn't stand Hou Yi's cruelty and wanted to sabo (sabo means sabotage loh) him, maybe she was curious, maybe kay poh or maybe drunk, or maybe.. whatever lah.. So she swallowed the pill. Then she became high, I mean feeling lighter and lighter, and floated to Cloud 9 the Moon, staying in the liuliu Moon Palace.

On the moon, Chang Er found a cute rabbit, the Jade Rabbit (玉兔) and forced it to make antidote for her. Thus sometimes you can see a rabbit pounding herbal medicine on the moon. But some said it's Mashimaro pumping a jammed toilet (you know Mashimaro, don't you? Neh... The slit-eyes, plump cunning Korean rabbit).

And if you stare at the Moon long enough (till u feel sleepy) during the liuliu Mooncake festival, you can probably see some not-so-clever man by the name of Wu Kang (吴刚) chopping some kind of stupid tree (桂树) there. It was said that Wu Kang wanted to become a fairy (err...aren't fairies female?) Maybe he's gay or transvestite. Anyway, he got conned by the guru. The guru bluffed him that if he manage to chop down the tree, he will become a fairy. But the damn tree will heal itself everytime Wu Kang stop and have a fag.

The tree would need 300 continuous chops to bring it down. (See? 300 continuous chop !! Don't play-play).. But this Wu Kang doesn't have this stamina. Whenever he stops, the tree heals itself. And Wu Kang is also bad in mathemathic. Never go to school mah, what to expect? Sometimes he counted wrongly too, more over the neighbouring damn rabbit's pounding sound also distracts him.

Wu Kang : *chop* "Two hundred and twenty one." *chop* "Two hundred and twenty two."

Mashimaro : *pound pound pound*

Wu Kang : *chop* "Ehr..." *scratch head* "Two hundred and... and... and..."

Then the tree heals itself.

Wu Kang : "What the...!!! Shut up, stupid rabbit!" *throw axe at Mashimaro*

Mashimaro : *throw toilet scuker at Wu Kang*

So there they go, on & on..... no ending one, till today....
~ to be continued (next year).....

44 comments:

angel said...

Ei liuliu! do u know dr. liew?? i used to read him but now he no more so update liu... why like dat liu?? Dr. Liew!!! Kambek liu!!!

*read liuliu story laterz*

angel said...

Wah kena tipu! Liuliu story belum habis wan???

ah nel said...

docter r u ok???

mistipurple said...

loctor's story at the bottom write.. "to be continued next year"
ah yo, i vely attention deficit wan. next yr sure forgot oredy.

like angel, i read liuliu story later at home. now too many distractions at work. keep mixing up the characters in the story.

Chen said...

angel,
i dunno him in person lah, but I read his blog in the past. Tarak tipu woh.. can continue again some other time mah :P

ah nel,
of course :)

misti,
why I say so ah...
cos everyone will sure forget liao by next year.. so I don't have to continue the ending of the liuliu story liao....
clever boh?

Pink Cotton said...

WAHAHAHAAHAHHAHHAAHAHAHA

ROF!!!!

really liuliu story!!!

OHHH!!! guo ran it is MASHI MARO up there!!!! how come the toilet eternally tersumbat wan ah???haiyooo...

and LOL at the suku woodcutter..WAHAHAHAHA ..someone shud give him a CHAINSAW 'x'

L B said...

I love that part about the Toilet Sucker bit best! *new piakking toy*

Chen said...

pink cotton,
indeed liuliu...
the best liuliu mid autumn festival story :P

cos mashimaro tak cukup hebat..
dunno how to pump toilet

during those days, no chainsaw mah..
those were the days :P

LB,
yeah hoh.. new piaking tool
toilet pump
next time can piak with tat toool liao

Winn said...

HAHAH!! chen u so liuliu funny. canot stop laughing liao. i luv ur story!

canot. must stop.
*goes back to work else canot balik rumah today*

i miss my bed...

shit. forgot to buy lucas's food:(

Chen said...

winn,
kekekke.. i read dunno how many times liao, but i still feel amused leh..

*oops*
cepat balik kerja
later cannot go back home then liuliu loh.. have to zzzz in opis pulak :P

ask liucas eat human food loh..
i guess he doesn't mind that
haagen daz for Liucas?

may said...

*konpiused*
*runs to mummy*

"ahmah, I dun understand why the rabbit got hold plunger in his hand wan..."

mistipurple said...

i must look at the moon hard and find the wood chopper. can see tiny movement from earth i suppose. tomolo go buy a bit more powderful binoculars. telescope too expensive, and then use once a year like a bit wasted.

Chen said...

may,
poor maymay..
errr.. that ah mah sounds so familiar..
ah mah, ah mah.. :D

tat rabbit suku loh..
tat's why he hold pam jamban with him wherever he goes.. psss.. I guess the wabbit tot the plunger is his weapon kua :P

misti,
sounds like u gotta squint your eye pretty hard liao.. oops.. don't get mata juling at the end of the day, okie? ;)

wah.. wanna buy binoculars ah? Then can spy at ppl liao? :P

Kenny Ng said...

cannot wait till next year only continue the story la... next yr sure forget about it already la. can tell at next post ah? :P

Mr.Goober said...

okay, so in the next few days i've to keep on staring at the moon to see if the goddess will actually wink at me.

Chen said...

kenny,
the reason why i wanna continue the story next year is that ... i hope by that time, everyone has forgotten the story liao.. so that I don't have to continue with the ending..

cos I haven't figure out what to write for Part II. Hahahaha...

mr goober,
hehehe.. u wake up from your hiatus liao?

Ooopss.. if u see the goddess wink at u, u might need to see the opthalmologist or.. might be the psychiatrist? :P
*run*

carcar said...

LOL LOL!!

eh your story damn funny leh.. the ending part! hey i like! very entertaining!

good job doctor! more more!! haha...

Simple American said...

Wah. So the liuliu storey. Maybe if Wu Kang did not smoke he would have the endurance required to chop down the tree?

Of course where are the moon cakes? Maybe they eat these and everybody is at peace and happy.

mistipurple said...

hahahaaa your reply to mr goober so funni!!!!! i better not tell you i see the empress winking at me too from the moon. opps.

mistipurple said...

alamak i always change things. goddess become empress pulak!

Simple American said...

Hey Chen. I have tagged you. Guess I miss seeing you on IM so I find a way to catch up. ;)

domesticgoddess said...

哇哈哈哈!搞笑+无厘头版中秋故事!
祝 中秋节快乐!

Chen said...

carcar,
hehehe, the ending reminds me of our “non ending good bye story..”
remember?
Saying good bye for dunno how many thousands time before we log off :P

okie okie u love the liuliu story?
Will write more sot sot story next time :P

Pssss.. I'm not the original author for this story lah, I just modify the story and adding a pinch of salt & vinegar here & there :P

SA,
Wu Kang dunno the danger of smoking cos he is illiterate.
Cannot blame him though cos he had no opportunity to go to school last time mah

Mooncake ah?
Inside the tummy liao..
whose tummy?

Point point here & there..

This one loh, that one loh..
Makan all the mooncake :D

Chen said...

misti,
wah wah wah.. u see the empress winking at u?
my goodness :P
instead of goddess, u see empress?
misti needs to see psychiatrist liao!!!
cos she pandai-pandai tukar cerita :P or did misti have hallucinations?

*cabut*

SA,
Wow kena tagged :P
Long list of questions to answer.. just like being interviewed :P

at times, I'm "invisible" on IM :)

DG,
hehhehe… yeah, let’s take a break from listening to the so called “ori” stories :)

无厘头 story is still the best, huh?
More entertaining and guarantee the reader won’t fall asleep while reading.

Happy Mid Autumn Festival

Winn said...

i gave liucas dried biscuit last nite. he ate a bit only. urgh picky eater!

he hasnt poo poo yesterday till this morning, i wonder if he eats his own shit...scared i scold him kut..hahah

Fantasy "Sticky" Flier said...

waakakaaaka so funny to read!

babe_kl said...

LOL yr story really terror merror one *thumbs up*

mistipurple said...

don't run don't run. i certified free to go by hospital oredy. opps.

Winnliuliu, liucas boh pangsai ah? no wonder donwan to eat somemore :(

VampireM said...

liuliu betui...

got wat event in pg for mooncake fest ar? beside the one in PISA which was over

sengkor said...

dr, the mooncake u had yesterday got alcohol ka..?

_butt said...

hahahahaha!! laugh my head off reading this liuliu post..

seldom read dr.liew's.. i loved the mashimoro part.. neh, the early part where 'rabbit pounding herbal medicine on the moon.'

very the lawak this story.. thanks for sharing!!

Chen said...

Winn,
ekekke… same like ah boy.
He only eat the dried dog biscuit when he is hungry (the last resort)

Aiyks.. Lucas having constipation ah? till unable to poo-poo?
His beloved mummy must have forgotten to feed him fruits & vege liao leh? :P

FF,
Can read this story over & over again & yet don’t feel bored, ahahaa….

babeKL,
Hahhaa, might be u can tell your boiboi this modified version of mid autumn story too, hahahha..

mistipurple,
u gotta peel oranges or cut apple for Lucas liao…
he needs fiber :)

Chen said...

VampireM,
Good, u finally get the meaning of liuliu :)

I dunno ah..
Normally I don’t participate in any of those “congested” events.. I mean those events with huge crowds..
Anyway, I won’t be in town on Mid Autumn Festival.

sengkor,
No woh… how sad :(
Dunno whether available in Penang or not.. KL I know got lah..
I wanna eat mooncake with alcohol…
*drool*

butt,
Shhhhh… don’t laugh so loud :P
Later Mashimaro marah…
He although thick skinned but he doesn’t like people to laugh at him so much :P
Ego problem mah… kekekke

papercrazy said...

LOL...

memang ada story like dat or u made up wan???

How can mashimaro be in the picture?? Tot mashimaro came in existence only few years nia...

Lu chin chai chin chai hoh??

_butt said...

Aik.. ya kah? You know Mashimoro ar? Kirim salam!! Oh okie loh.. won't laugh in front of him..

Curi senyum boleh ka? :P *hehehehhehehe*

Kristopher said...

hehehe.. so funny lo... :) suddenly got Mashimaro one ohhh...

Chen said...

papercrazy,
hahhahaa,
memang ada story lidat...
u can check up in the "history" book..
(not any history book, but the one written by yours truly) :P

The Mashimaro that u know is the descendent of the great toilet pumping Mashimaro aka Mashimaro The Great :P Neh.. the cucu-cicit ;)

butt,
I haven't see him for long time liao.. Last time hoh, I laugh at him & mana tau he merajuk till now... dowan to talk to me :(

if wanna curi senyum, can.. but made sure he tak tau loh :P

kristopher,
Mashimaro the Great Rabbit :)

velverse said...

wah have to wait next year summore... die die... I need to dye my hair before the white hair pops out

mistipurple said...

i waiting for next post. *grins*
heehee. i myself not yet post. :P

Chen said...

velverse,
cos I lazy to think about the ending..
so.. to be continued next year :P

misti,
keekekke... I have something for u :P
(refering to my new post)
Don't piak me
*cabut*

papercrazy said...

hahahaha

Dr Liew = Dr Liu = loktor chen???

Shud have known...mana ada modified legend like dat...

Hai me die die go and do google search for a Dr Liew's blog!!

*Pull my hair as a sign of my geram-ness*

Chen said...

papercrazy,
*faint*

don’t change my name lah.. hahahaha..
Dr Liew is Dr Liew
Liuliu is liuliu…
not related :P

Kekekke.. so u have great fun searching for THE ONE? :P

Errr.. please don’t pull out so much hair..
Hair transplant service in not available here :P

Bernard said...

Funny.. and don't forget to continue the story.

Chen said...

bernard,
hehhee..
I hope I will remember to do so next year :)